Animal I Have Become: Mystery Ending

WARNING: This is a purely-for-fun, non-canonical ending with a bit of swearing. This has come from the depths of my bored mind. If you don't like or appreciate randomness, then you might just want to ignore this ending...seriously, go home, it's not for the weak of heart...dUDE LEAVE! //shot
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(Y/n) picked the hundred-year-old Priest? It was funny in the end, while Link and Dark just stood there, mouths agape and with widened eyes as she escaped Dark's grip and ran over to the old man, hugging him tightly. But that's just weird, so this is what really happened...
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The (h/c)-haired girl scoffs as she presses the pressure point on Dark's neck, shocking him enough to where she can escape his iron grip. Rubbing her wrist, (Y/n) marches between them, slapping them both upside the head. Letting out a yelp, the two boys rub the now-sore spot on their heads as she pinches the bridge of her nose, trying to calm down.

"Is this how you're going to solve your problems? By fighting each other like wild animals with overgrown knives? This is getting ridiculous!" She spins around, stomping away while shouting, "Princess's bodyguard is outie, peace!"

The two boys exchange worried glances before chasing after the girl, tackling her to the ground. As she let out a small scream, Dark cries, "Don't leave, Senpai!"

"We just got you to notice us!" Link agreed. (Y/n) groans before managing to squirm out from under them.

"Get the h*** away from me! I'm not your d*** Senpai! What does that even mean?!" Dark is the first to scramble to his feet, opening his mouth to explain, but she cuts him off. "I don't want to know. All I want is to go make sure Zelda is safe." Link stands with a growl.

"That b**** is stealing our Senpai!" Hearing the sound of footsteps, Dark grumbles,

"Speak of the devil." Zelda and a whole crew of knights enter the square, and Zelda hugs (Y/n) tightly.

"Thank goodness I found you! The prince from Lorule is trying to get all up in my grill!"

"Oh h*** no," (Y/n) shouts. "Where is he?!"

Zeda never got to answer, because Link tackles her to the ground, saying, "Back off my Senpai, b****!" (Y/n) just stands there, dumbfounded as him and Zelda begin a cat-fight on the floor. Who knew Link was such a Yandere?

The Priest gestures for (Y/n) to follow him, so that she can get to safety. But when she approaches him, she lets out a gasp as Dark does the exact same thing to the poor old man. Okay, now Dark, she understands. He seems like the possessive-type...needy b****.

An anime tick mark appears on her forehead as the Priest begins to hit Dark over the head repeatedly with his staff. "Maybe I should just be a Priestess..." She mumbles. Everyone freezes at her words, and the Priest jumps up, doing a victory dance.

"Ha! She's mine, you pompous turd buckets!! Suck my big toe!"

"I'm gonna knock you into next week!" Dark growls, punching the Priest across the face. "I hate your kind most of all!"

"I need to find a new Priest," Zelda sighs. "He was going to leave next week anyways."

"Oi!!" (Y/n) shouts. "You're all tone-deaf twats! I'm blowing this pop-stand, later!" With that, she flees into the night.

(Y/n) spends the rest of her life living in a cottage in the heart of Faron Woods, with its own personal stream and garden. She lives an independent life, making an honest living, and happily spends the rest of her life without a whiny Yandere-of-a-man. She's able to live beautifully and successfully...because she's a boss a** b****.